Soul Deep Page 2

  “Leave!” I yell so loud, my voice cracks.

  “Fuck!” I hear the door close and glance over my shoulder to make sure he’s gone. Then I pack and call a cab. I leave a message with my manager at work, telling her I need some time off.

  Dragging my bag into the airport, I pay a fucking whack for a ticket back to Denver. Luckily, the flight leaves in an hour. When I get back I’m heading up to the cabin. When I graduated and Mom moved to Florida, she gave me the keys to our cabin in Red Feather, and right now, a mountain retreat seems the best place for me to be.

  It’s one in the afternoon the next day when I manage to drag my bags through the cabin. After a long ass flight, and an even longer drive up here, I drop my shit at the door and stumble into the bedroom, flopping face-first onto the bed. My chest hurts and my eyes feel like bloated grapes. I’ve cried enough tears to flood a village. It’s one thing to think you got nothing going for you; it’s a whole other ballgame to have the love of your life throw it in your face.

  BECCA

  I’ve been up at the cabin for two days. I still feel like shit, except it’s more like light shit. The ache is muted, and I’ve done a lot of thinking. Time and distance help.

  I’m standing in front of the mirror, inspecting myself. I’m not vain, but I would totally fuck me if I swung that way. I smack myself on the ass and fluff my hair, which is so black, it has a blue tint to it. Then there are my freakish eyes. I’ve been told they’re a lure and sexy as hell, and an equal amount of men think they’re weird. My boobs are big, but not very perky. I mean, it’s hard to be perky being a double D. I get that he doesn’t want me, mainly because he’s friends with Carter, but he didn’t have to insult me.

  I get dressed and head outside. I have no fucking clue what I’m doing, but I decide to chop some firewood. Mom always bought it from this local guy, but I figure it’ll help me work off some frustrations.

  Feeling confident (because I watched a YouTube video) I pick up the axe, which is heavy as fuck. I slide my hand back, pick it up and swing down, just like the burly man in the video said to and totally miss the log, lodging the axe in the stump underneath. No matter what I do, I can’t get the fucking thing to come out.

  I’m using my foot as leverage and trying with all my might to pull it out when I hear a honk and fall right on my ass. Looking at the driveway, I see an old, beat up Ford truck pulling up. Getting up, I brush my jeans off and go back to trying, and failing, to pull the axe out.

  “Here, let me help.” I jump about a foot in the air as a man comes up and pulls the axe out one-handed. Looking up at him, I see that he’s attractive, with his green eyes and overly long, light brown hair. But the only word I can find to describe his build is petite.

  And he does nothing for me.

  I smile at him anyway, with my best flirty smile. My confidence took a hit and I need something—anything from this man that says he finds me even the teensiest bit attractive.

  He looks around, then back at me. “You okay?” He takes a step back, looking at me warily.

  “Sure.”

  “Are you… smiling?” he asks, completely confused. I burst into tears. “Holy shit.” He pulls me in for a hug and whispers, “Are you all right?”

  “No!” His shirt is bunched in my hands, and I belatedly realize that he smells really good—kind of woodsy, and something else I can’t place, but it smells sweet.

  Sticking my nose in his chest, I take a big whiff. “You smell good.” He cracks up laughing.

  “You crazy or something?”

  “Or something.”

  Stepping back, I wipe my tears on the sleeve of my shirt. “I was trying to give you a flirty smile.” I shrug my shoulders and hold my hand out. “I’m Becca, by the way.”

  “My name’s Jace.” I shake his hand and plop down on the stump.

  “Can I ask you something weird?”

  “Sure.” He looks scared.

  “Do you think I’m attractive?”

  “Yes, with your big, beautiful eyes, which are a gorgeous blue. Curves in all the right places…maybe work on the smile. A little more sexy seductress and a lot less rabid dog. Of course, we’re on the same team,” he says with a great smile.

  “Same team?”

  “Gay.” He points to his chest.

  “Damn, all the best ones are,” I huff, smiling at him. “This isn’t actually the color of my eyes; I have blue contacts in.” I pull out my phone and show him a picture of me without them.

  “Why the contacts?”

  “When I was younger, I was bullied because of them, and people stare. It’s weird when they stare at my eyes. Gives me the heebie-jeebies.”

  “You wanna spill the beans? What’s got you all upset?”

  “You ever meet someone and think ‘That’s him! He’s going to be the love of my life!’ You’re so insanely attracted to him that images start flashing in your brain you can’t control? Naughty images, sweet images, flashes of what your future would be like with them?”

  He nods his head that yes, he has. “You ever had that same person rip your heart out, shred it to minuscule pieces, then walk on it as they leave?”

  He winces. “Can’t say that I have, darlin’.”

  “Met him ten years ago and fell tits over toes in love. He sat me down not long after that and told me I was a definite no. Too young, too innocent, and he’s best friends with my brother. So I moved on as best I could and graduated cosmetology school, but I just stayed stuck. Recently, I decided to move on, or tried to, but dating is a total shit show. Not one good one. I went to a mutual friend’s wedding, alone. I was already feeling sad that they’d found their happy, and then I saw him. I could feel my heart breaking all over again. I knew I was going to cry like a busted open fire hydrant. He saw me, and I knew he knew I was hurting, so I left. Then he came to my hotel room to check on me. I was half-naked and a hundred percent drunk. I said dumb things, as is my modus operandi, and then he crushed me by implying that I wasn’t going to find anyone because I was unattractive.”

  “I don’t think you took a single breath during that. Consider me impressed.” He sits down on the ground next to the stump. “Also, I’m not a violent person, and kind of a wuss when it comes to confrontation, but if you want, I can go kick his ass for you.”

  I laugh. “Thank you, and no offense, but he’s around six feet four, and maybe weighs around two fifty? Ex-special forces and current badass who owns a private investigation firm.”

  “Okay, new plan. We’ll just hide out up here and become crazy mountain people together.”

  “What about your guy?” I ask, sliding off the stump and sitting down next to him on the ground.

  “He pings neutral, and I’m not hitting on a straight guy, especially him. Built like yours, he’s quiet, and can toss a mean look that’ll have you pooping your pants.”

  “Pings neutral?” I pick up a stick and start breaking it into tiny pieces.

  “Never seen him with a woman or a man. Haven’t even seen him looking hard at anyone. I’ve heard him speak only a handful of words since he showed up around here.”

  “Maybe we should investigate. I can put something on that’s sexy and track his ass down, see if he reacts. Well, that may not work since I’m apparently not much to look at.”

  “You’re fucking beautiful. If I swung that way, I would hit it.”

  I bump his arm and lean my head on his shoulder. “Quite the pair we are, eh? So then, let’s get you dolled up and in some tight pants, see if he reacts.”

  “I’ve tried that in the past.” He shakes his head. “It’s been two years now. If he was going to make a move he would have.”

  We sit in silence for a while before a thought pops into my head.

  “Hey, what made you come up here?”

  He smiles at me. “Your mom.”

  “My mom?”

  “Yup. I look after the cabin for her, make sure animals or squatters haven’t taken over. She called me, sa
id you were up here and to check on you.”

  I growl, frustrated.

  “She means well.”

  “I know she does, and I’m glad because I now have a friend.”

  He smiles at me. “You want to go get lunch? Maybe kick around Red Feather, do some fishing or something?”

  “Sounds divine.”

  Dusting myself off, I smile and head inside to clean up. I have a feeling that I just made a good friend.

  BECCA

  Color me fucking surprised. When I get into Jace’s truck, he turns on some tunes and “Lollipop” by Lil Wayne comes on. I burst out laughing.

  “I expected country.”

  He smiles at me and shakes his head. “I like tunes I can shake my ass to. Hard to twerk to George Straight.”

  I crack up laughing. “Where are we going?”

  “First stop is my house. We’ll grab the boat, fishing stuff and beer, then head to Hiawatha Lake get some fishing in.”

  After catching and releasing four fish while in the boat and downing a twelve pack of beer, we’ve moved our little party to the shore.

  “Fergalicious” by Fergie is playing on the little Bluetooth speaker and my mouth is hanging open, watching Jace demonstrate his dancing abilities.

  I’m in complete awe.

  He has on light jeans with rips in the legs, boots, a white undershirt and a plaid shirt tied around his waist, shaking what his momma gave him.

  I’ve seen videos of twerking contests, and he would win hands down.

  The song changes and slows down. I’m drunk and not functioning at a hundred percent brain capacity, so I totally miss the freaked out look on his face.

  “You’re a master, and you need to make me your apprentice. We’ll be the Mister Miyagi and Karate Kid of the twerk.”

  It finally registers that he’s as still as statue, and extremely pale.

  He swallows hard, then lifts his hand and waves. I look over my shoulder and see a man in a pretty black, lifted Ford truck. Sunglasses slid down to the end of his nose, I can see he’s definitely checking out Jace. He nods his head, slides his sunglasses back up, waves at Jace and sets off down the road.

  “Was that him?”

  “Yes,” he whispers.

  “He stopped and watched! I bet you made his dick hard.”

  Jace bursts out laughing. “Right now, I bet his cock has ripped the teeth of his zipper and is pointed due Jace.”

  “Due Jace?”

  “Like Due North?”

  “You’re a nut!”

  I just smile at him and sit back in my chair; he plops down next to me. Sitting cross-legged on the chair I turn and look at him.

  “You ok?”

  “Yeah, I’m just…embarrassed? Hopeful? I don’t know.”

  “Let’s stick with hopeful.” I grab my beer bottle by the top and take a healthy swig.

  I look out at the lake and am again breathless by this view—the mountains, the water, all of it. Majestic makes me sound like I’m waxing fucking poetic or something, but there are no other words for it really.

  “Tell me about you, Jace. How did you end up here?”

  He winces, and I’m thinking I just stuck my foot in my mouth. “You don’t have to, I was just—”

  “It’s fine. Let’s see, I was born in Denver. My parents are kickass, and I have two older siblings, a brother and a sister. I’m the baby of the family, so no surprise I was spoiled rotten. I never hid the fact that I was gay from them, never had a big “coming out” conversation. It just was, I guess. Mom asked me if I was seeing anyone in high school, and I was freaked out for about a second, then she said, “Well, when you catch one, make sure and bring him home.” I was shocked. She just kissed my forehead and told me to be proud of who I was and that she loved me. When I say I was the baby, I mean I was the surprise so my older brother and sister were in middle school by the time I was born.

  “I floated through school, not really the odd man out or anything, just kind of coasted. I had a group of friends and did all the shit kids in high school usually do, like party, hang out at the mall and shit. But my friends and I just didn’t do that very much. They were usually studying. We hung out at my house occasionally, but they all had their futures figured out. I, on the other hand, had absolutely no fucking clue what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Graduation was on the horizon, they all had acceptance letters to colleges and were pumped to move on, and I was just stuck.

  “After graduation, when the dust settled on the parties and shit, every one of my friends packed up and left. I Iove my parents, but by that time, they were both retired and I got a job working at King’s groceries where I started as a cashier. The pay was good and I got my own place. Everything seemed to fall apart at that time. My parents started traveling, my brother and sister were off living their lives, and I fell into the party life hardcore. I spent more time in clubs and house parties than I did my own place. Started off with dancing and hanging out, then it moved to dancing and drinking when I turned twenty-one. Then dancing, drinking, and drinking at home. I hit rock bottom when I woke up in an unfamiliar house surrounded by people I didn’t recognize. Drugs were all over the place, empty bottles everywhere. This wasn’t pot, this was meth and smack. When I saw the needles and shit, I leaned over and puked all over the floor.

  “I was so horrified by where I had taken my life. I got outside and walked forever until I just broke down and sat right there on the side of the street. Luckily, I still had my phone, so I called my mom and confessed all. Thank God they were home. Their flight had been canceled and that was the only reason they were still in town. She picked me up and halfway through the drive home, I got a call from my boss letting me go, since I was supposed to work that morning and never showed. When I got home I took a shower and spent a good twenty minutes inspecting every inch of my body, looking for needle marks.”

  His tears are falling freely. I want so bad to pull him into my arms, but I get the sense that he wouldn’t welcome the touch right now.

  “I dried out and cleaned up. Once I felt steady, I cleared out my apartment and moved in with my parents. On a random whim, I decided to take a day trip up to the mountains. I drove into Red Feather and I never wanted to leave. I felt like for the first time in a long time, I could fucking breathe. I sat right here where we are now for hours. I didn’t have the weight on my shoulders to be something. Up here, you don’t have to put on an act, you can just let it all hang out and no one gives a single shit. I talked to my parents, at that time I couldn’t just pull money out of the trust my grandparents had set up for me. They were worried, but I told them what I just told you. I bought a fixer-upper cabin for dirt cheap and never looked back. Couple years after living up here was when Bo moved in. The guy in the truck? His name is Bo Grace, and I swear to God, it felt like I’d just found the missing piece of my puzzle. I was all smiles and swagger when I walked up to him the first time, but my hopes were dashed when he held up his hand, like ‘Talk to the hand ’cause the face don’t give a damn.’ He didn’t even have to say a fucking word.

  “So that leads us to now, and consider me shocked when I was losing hope and feeling lonely when God saw fit to drop someone in my lap who’s probably going to be my BFF, also known as the lovely Becca Jane.” He winks at me, and I can’t help it. I jump up and hug the crap out of him.

  “Christ, woman, you’re going to suffocate me with your jugs.”

  “Hush your mouth. Let me hug you.” His arms come around me and I feel the visible tension that was just knotting up his body fade away.

  I sit back down. “You know, I’m thinking this plan to become crazy mountain people together is the best idea ever.”

  “You really think the Tristan situation is toast?”

  “Yeah. You don’t?”

  “I don’t know. Tell me exactly what happened.”

  “So I was drunk as hell when he came pounding on the door, and I said some dumb shit, as usual.”

 
; “Like what?”

  “Something about I only had so many pairs of panties, and since he makes me wet he had to leave. It’s kind of fuzzy, so I can’t say for sure exactly what I said, but it was something along those lines.”

  “So, he knows you want him something fierce?”

  I grimace a bit and nod my head, verbally vomiting the whole sordid tale. “The whole thing…I think it confused me because he was touching me like a lover and speaking to me like an enemy.”

  Jace turns and looks at me, picking up my hand. “I knew this guy once, hot as fuck, built like a fucking linebacker because he was one. He was so deep in the closet, it wasn’t even funny. I felt bad for him. He hated who he was and that fucking sucked. He would come over and we would fuck like rabbits. After, he would spout off some insanely homophobic crap at me. I wanted him so bad, but at the same time, I hated him and the shit he would say to me. Not that Tristan’s like that, but I think from what you just said, he wants you and hates the fact that he does. So, I doubt the Becca/Tristan saga is done. Dude is going to get fed up with holding back, just like my sexy linebacker did, who gave his family the finger and is now married and happy as a clam to a super nice guy. He came up here a couple years back to apologize for the way he treated me. Tristan will realize that for a split second, he had his hands on something precious and will want to get more than just his hands on you. Fingers, hands, tongue and cock.”

  I squawk, “Oh God, don’t say that! I wouldn’t even know what the hell to do with a naked Tristan. I would probably expire on the spot from sheer lust.”

  “Considering what you’ve told me, he’s an alpha to the core. I don’t think he’s going to have problems telling you exactly what he wants from you, babe. He’s going to be like, ‘get naked and spread,’ and probably some ‘suck my cock, baby.’”

  I bury my face in my hands as Jace cackles like a lunatic.

  “Come on, Bec, let’s pack up and go home. We’ll get something to eat and binge some Netflix. Or maybe we’ll look up some straight porn and you can study.”